He sees Her, beaming, sitting across the table from him, with that godforsaken ring around Her finger. He sees how She knows. He sees the bubbling hot-pot between them, the smell of boiled mushrooms and fatty meat clawing its way up his nostrils. He sees Her hands, shaking as they wrestle and Her despair brings tears to his eyes. He sees the hammer he snatches from the kitchen countertop. Who left it there? He sees the light, gone from Her eyes as he cradles Her body, still warm. He sees Her, again.

Gasping for breath, Yosuke jolts awake, his muscles aching from his uncomfortable sleeping position on top of one of the benches in the visitor center. He reaches for his glasses, even though they won’t make much of a difference in this darkness. The sound of peaceful, slow breathing is the only discernible indication he’s not alone. As his eyes get used to the dark, he sees the silhouettes of his traveling companions, each of them curled up in a corner or on a bench somewhere. Yasu remembering to bring blankets had been an absolute relief.

He could kill them all, he realized. He could take their Soul Gems from around their necks or fingers of whatever they were hiding them, one by one, and crush them underneath his feet, or flush them down the toilet, or burn them. No, of course he couldn’t. They’d catch him as soon as he so much as touched one of them. Sasaki wouldn’t hesitate to drive a rapier straight through his throat. No, of course he couldn’t. He doesn’t have it in him. He knows. He couldn’t even properly lie to her.

She’s right there. Bundled up, half sitting, half lying, all tossing and turning in her sleep, probably sick with worry. What is he even doing here? He can’t even properly lie to her.

He goes outside. It’s cold, not quite freezing, but not the kind of weather to be in at four in the morning on the top of a mountain either. He checks his phone. Firestarter hasn’t contacted him in days. Of course she hasn’t. A news notification pops up. 

“Final Toll of Kitawari Train Derailment Confirmed: 203 Dead, 483 Injured. PM Declares National Day of Public Mourning”

Two-hundred and three people died. For Her. Once upon a time he would have said She was worth it. Now, he doesn’t feel anything. He squeezes his eyes shut, clutching the bridge of his nose. His legs are weak. His stomach wants to launch itself out of his wretched body, even though he hasn’t had a proper meal in days. Of course he feels something. Two-hundred and three people died. For Her. What is he even doing here?

Koharu: Can’t sleep?

She is standing behind him, rubbing her eyes, still wrapped up in her plaid blanket as if it were a cloak. Why is she—

Yosuke: D-Don’t worry about me. Just getting some fresh air. Hoping to catch the sunrise.

Silence.

Koharu: I know you l—

Yosuke: (immediately) I lied to you, senpai. I’m sorry.

What is he doing? The one time he was able to outwit her, and he’s throwing it all away.

Koharu: About the pictures?

Yosuke: I said a bunch of stupid shit, I… Sorry, I… I was embarrassed because you’d… You were right about the whole taking pictures of people without their consent thing, So I just—

Why does she look at him like that? Does she genuinely believe him? Does she pity him? Does she hate him? Or is she as conflicted as he is?

Koharu: Got bigger things to worry about. My mistake. Of course you didn’t have pictures of our friends. Impossible. Winged girl doesn’t even go outside.

Yosuke: No, I—You don’t understand, I—

Koharu: Let it go.

Yosuke: No, I… I did lie to you. And I… I don’t wanna lie to you, senpai. Not to you. I said some really stupid things, things I regret, things I never should’ve said to you, and—

She’s staring at him. Only now he realizes that she’s staring without judgment. With an open mind. Ready to learn, ready to hear what he has to say. When did she start looking at him like that?

Yosuke: I should never have said that… that I was into these kind of like, cool, aloof girls.

Koharu: … Okay?

Oh God.

Yosuke: I-I like girls who’re passionate and driven, and don’t care what the rest of the world thinks of them. Girls who are unapologetic, who… who don’t mince words, and… girls who think for themselves, even if…

Why does she look at him like that? 

Yosuke: Even if the rest of the world will spit on them for doing so. Who… who remind me that I have to be better… better than the bastard I am.

He sees her looking at him. He sees Her, looking at him. Beaming. Sitting across the table from him, with that godforsaken ring around Her finger. He sees how She knows. She knows. Hot-pot. Hands. Hammer. He sees nothing. A blur. Water welling up in his eyes. He sees two hundred and three people, dead because he threw them to the wolves. He sees the monsters he calls his kin. He sees the monster he is. He sees himself, crying. He sees her, embracing him, awkward as she is. He loves her.

Koharu: T-Things… Will be alright.

Yosuke: (he sniffles) You don’t know. You don’t know that.

If only she knew.

Koharu: Lots of things I don’t know. But I do know that.

They stand there, silently, for a few more seconds. She is holding onto him like one holds onto a pillow, transparently obvious the fact that she could count the previous hugs she’s engaged in on one hand. He is afraid to touch her. Eventually it ends. She looks at him, awkwardly. They head back inside, making sure not to wake the others. She curls up again in a corner and closes her eyes. He makes his decision.